there's this jackass door dude at McCarthy's, this silly, 'hip,' irish bar . he's in his early 50s and he smokes. i guessed him to be the kind of giezer to get his kicks out of eying the young little college chicks. one night when he was being an ass i noticed he carried the bar's cordless phone with him.

today, sept 9/2000, i called there in a stern raspy voice, and asked for "that old fucker who works the door." the guy was like, "jerry?" i was like, "i don't know. is he that old fucker who works the door?" and dude was like, "that's jerry and he doesn't come in 'till 10." i said "well you give that fucker a message. you tell him that this is richard cranston. my daughter was in there last night and he was looking at her ass. you tell him i want to talk to him. GOT IT?!!!" bewildered, the dude was like, "yeah, ok."

later i called back and spoke to jerry. i told him the same thing about looking at my daughter's ass (i was yelling at this point). i asked if his boys gave him my message. he said they had. i told him he was a sick bastard and i didn't appreciate him looking at my daughters ass and the police wouldn't appreciate it either. he said "bring 'em down here." i said, "what, are you paying them off?" within a sentence or two he said, "why don't you come down here yourself?" (fighting words). i assured him i would. my friend kevin called right back and spoke to jerry. kevin said he was my brother and he didn't appreciate jerry talking to me like that. jerry told kevin to come there down too. kevin said, "oh we'll come down there alright, but we're not coming alone. i've got the jaws of life and we're gonna cut up the carpet and shit." jerry was off kilter at this point. people don't do this kind of thing around here.

later out of boredom kevin and i went to McCarthy's. we saw a friend, evan. evan said jerry had been talking about the calls. apparently jerry was real bent out of shape.

kevin said to (unsuspecting) jerry, "man, there sure are a bunch of hot chicks here tonight." jerry agreed, "oh man, there sure are." then kevin took a photo of me and jerry together. whereupon i immediately turned to jerry, looked him in the eye, and said, "you better quit looking at my fucking daughter."

he went blank and we split - quick.

- geoffrey brent shrewsbury