NEW ORLEANS
Schweickhardt's   
New Orleans, LA   

 

So I'm like 19 and I find myself living with some friends in New Orleans.
I had been driving out to Metarie to this secret cow pasture to pick psilocybin mushrooms daily, for maybe a month. We usually ate a buncha shrooms and hung out on the Levy by the zoo, listening to the exotic animals lose their shit when those giant electrical storms would pass overhead, the sky would go absolutely crazy for about five minutes and then a rainbow would finish it off.
One night there was a drunken voodoo kind of feeling in the thick, wet air. The streets were full of midgets and pukin college kids and alligator teeth and drunks and mimes and harlequins and crazy retarded bikers. It started to downpour and didn't really stop. We hightailed it for the car, but the puddles got ominously deeper by the minute and we realized it was flooding. We were becoming trapped. Everything was fuzzy after that...
The next morning the hot sun was burning holes through my face in an attempt to cook my brain like so much jambalaya. I was in a wealthy neighborhood somewhere in the Garden district on the roof of a giant pink victorian house. I must've been fifty feet up! Some lady was yelling at me to get the hell down from there. I didn't know how!! I was scared. There was all of these kids on Big Wheels checkin out the the freak on the roof. The whole neighborhood started to slowly... filter out of their homes, quietly gathering in a vague formation like Stepford robots in pink and blue fuzzy robes. An angry mob (polite, but angry!) began to converge. I scurried down a flimsy pink drainpipe and ran. The way they were walking towards me was so creepy! It became clear that they meant to overcome me and, you know... experiment on me. Once again, I just fuckin RAN! These big fat guys in blue uniforms started chasing me too.
Hours later, as night fell, I stumbled through the front door. The cat walked by savagely chewing up a BIG-ass beetle (as big as my hand!). The bug's legs were flailing in a final pathetic burst of spirit as its head was messily mangled from above and below by sharp cat teeth.

- Paul