When I was 5 Years old, My Mother hired a Baby-Sitter by the name of Barbara to look out for Me while My Mom and Dad had a weekend together as a couple. Barbara was about 19 Years old, and was more interested in talking to Her Girl friends on the telephone while smoking Terryton Cigarettes than she was in looking after Me. After I had eaten My Lunch of a Tuna Sandwich and a Glass of Chocolate Milk, I asked Barbara" What would be fun for Me to do Today?" well, Barbara replied "Why don't You take the rest of the Day, and GET LOST!" I was raised to do what ever a Loud Adult Voice told Me to do, so I said "O.K.!" and as Barbara was looking at a Photo spread of Elvis Presley in one of Her movie Magazines, I was scooting out the side Door of the House. I wanted Barbara to be pleased with Me, so I thought what would be the BEST way to get lost? I decided that if I went down ONLY those streets that were unfamiliar to Me, that I was going to be TRULY "Lost" (by "LOST" I figured that would mean that I had NO Idea of where I was!) to Me, this was just going to be a fun "GAME" Many Hours later, I was in totally unfamiliar territory! I was so Happy that I was "LOST!" but I was getting Hungry! well, I didn't Drive (being 5 Years old, ) so I looked for Taxis going by, in the Hope of finding a Taxi to take Me Home.(I didn't think of how I might Pay!) as I walked down the street toward an unfamiliar section of Town, I decided to walk into a Coffee Shop (There were so Many little Independent Coffee Shops in those Days45 RPM RECORDS and Puffy Cars.) in the Coffee Shop, I sat at the Counter, and ordered a cheeseburger. as I ate the Cheese-Burger, a Police Man sat next to Me, and said (in a vary Friendly way) "What's YOUR Name?" I said "Dave" than He asked where I lived and I said "711 something-" I wasn't sure of the Streets name where I lived.) The Cop said that HE would Pay for My cheeseburger and Give Me a Ride Home. as The Cop Pulled up in Front of the House, half of the neighbors were in front of the House, and there were Guys with Television (Film in those Days of Cherry Cokes and Rock & Roll( Television Cameras! I wondered what's going on! the cop asked Me "so, how come You Ran Away?" I said I DID NOT "Run AWAY" I got "LOST", than I explained how I tried to do a good job of getting "Lost" so that Barbara would be sure to tell My Mom and Dad that I'd been Cooperative! the Cop said "Your a Real Comedian!" I wasn't sure what that was, but I said "thank You!" than, when Barbara got Me in the House, she was REAL upset! she said "DO You know what You are, Young Man?" and I Proudly said "Yes! I'm a REAL COMEDIAN!" Barbara than Curled up in a Ball of Convulsive Laughter, as She Wet Her Panties.

 

- Dave Whitman