so my doctor story is in a way the source of my...
(telephone ringing)
o crap. (click)
so anyway, my doctor story is in a way the source of my outlook on life insofar as the relativity of terrible things. and how nothing really that could ever happen to me is as terrible as this story that I'm about to tell.

The story starts where I'm a young boy at age (pause) x, um and I was suffering some sort of symptoms which I honestly can't really recall, but I suppose they were probably the traditional symptoms of severe dehydration or similar symptoms, I think severe dehydration is actually what was wrong with me. I was taken to the hospital, to the emergency room, where after about an hour or so I was finally taken into a room and stripped and put in one of those funny little outfits where your ass hangs out, and put on the butcher's block and eventually this man comes in and I don't really remember this man's name, let's call him uh Mike, Mike is not from America and very obviously so because of his almost complete inability to speak English, and uh don't get me wrong I'm not, I don't dislike people who can't speak English very well due to the fact it's not their first language, but what this man was about to do to me caused me to really dislike his inability to communicate with me very well, cause what he did was because the symptoms were that of dehydration I guess the way to test that is to do a spinal tap which I'm sure you already know involves jamming a needle into the spinal tissue and I guess in this case seeing whether or not any juice comes out into the syringe. so they stabbed it in me once, some sort of bizarre mumbling came out of Mike's mouth which I didn't understand at all, and then I uh you know whimpered and screamed and started to tense up and started shivering, at which point he told me that I should remain in the fetal position that I was in and not move in any way whatsoever otherwise the point at which he was jamming a needle into my spine would be the point at which I would lose all of my ability to move below that point. This is the first time . So then as time went on he stabbed a needle into my spine round about 16 times Each time reminding me that I could not move in any way otherwise I would be paralyzed from that point down. Each time they stabbed it in me they didn't get any liquid out which is apparently why they kept stabbing it in me. and I was really angry about it and eventually they finally gave up because I was obviously dehydrated and they took me and gave me some sort of medicine after that I don't really remember but to this day no matter what's happening to me no matter how awful it is I can always think to myself at least this isn't as bad as some guy that doesn't really speak English very much at all jamming a needle into my spine over and over again while I'm in a fetal position in fear of loosing my legs.
That's my story.

- Drew