NEW:
(remembered from a phone conversation last week):

M: Hey I heard you got hit by a bus, are you ok? The rumor is that you broke your arm.

D: Yeah well first I was doored which threw me into a bus.

M: A city bus?

D: Yeah I don't think the driver even knew he hit me - it just kept on going.

M: So it didn't stop?

D: No and the guy who doored me denied it.

M: Did you file a police report?

D: No I was so out of it after it happened and then a cop stopped but he was an undercover cop and they don't file reports. One of them did go and talk to the bus driver because it was stopped at a red light but then it took off. They asked me if I wanted an ambulance but I just wanted to get out of there. I thought I was ok just banged up a little.

M: Yeah I always want to be alone after wrecking my bike.

D: Yeah so once I got home I realized my arm was fucked up. Later it got really swoleen and hurt really bad so I went to Cook County. They took an x-ray but said if it's broke its a hairline fracture and its too swollen to see it - I have to go back. So tomorrow I have to go look for witnesses. And that's my story.

 

My bus story is:

One day when I was living in rural Illinois, in Champagne, me and a friend of mine named Little Billy who was a 14 year old alcoholic little punk rocker kid, me and him took the bus out to the Super K-mart to steal whiskey. And we stole a fifth of bourbon using the rose, the single rose trick where you ask 'em if they have single roses and they say no and you stick whiskey in your pocket and then you walk out the garden part because they don't have roses. And we got back on the bus and we were drinking on the bus and we were just kind of sitting on it for several rotations of the bus route cuz we had nothing better to do. At some point later on into the bottle of whiskey, Little Billy got really, really drunk and he was yelling at these girls and they got really offended and they moved to the other part of the bus and just after that Billy threw up all over the seat in front of him and all over his seat and himself and the floor and he just started laughing about it and he got up and went to the seat a couple seats behind that seat and then he started yelling at the girls again and by this time they were really disgusted of course, so to alleviate the situation, I guess, he decided to take his pants off and stand up on his seat and piss all over the bus. Then the bus driver stopped the bus and told us we should probably get off unless we wanted to get arrested. So we got off the bus. Then he started kicking the bus and yelling at it and I told him he should probably put his pants back on because they were still off.

- Drew