Today Show

This fucking show. Goddammit. I HATE THIS SHIT. Every fucking morning I wake up at like 7 am for a few hours and The Today Show is fucking on. At least that blowhole who's mouth is worth nothing more than to stuff a huge black cock in, Katie Couric, is not on it anymore. I once read in a tabloid that she was really cheap, even though she's like super rich, and it made me want to kill her. She just seems like a huge phony bitch. Unlike other bitches like Martha Stewart, who seems like a tough no nonsense cunt that could take it up the ass by 8 men and have them all hurting in the end. I bet she was the main bitch in prison and kept all the whores, crack addicts, black widows, post partum depression nuts who drove their kids into the lake, and serial killers in line. But I bet she was nice about it.

Anyway, back to this crap. The fucking Today Show. I have the unfortunate sleeping schedule to wake up to it almost every day. I swear to god, I do not think I can recall EVER IN MY LIFE witnessing or hearing stupider things than I see on this fucking show daily. Right now, I am not kidding, they are running a story about how your house can make you fat. Ok and I'm not talking about like the contents in your referigerator, they are saing if a tv or a chair is in the wrong place, you'll get fat. It's fucking ridiculous. They just did a segment about 20 minutes ago about medication making you fat. Oh yea and they're not talking about fung suei or whatever the fuck its called. They have some stupid skinny white bitch talking about how you should move your tv two inches to the left because it will make you eat less. It's fucking dumb. I will not go into this country's stupid fascination with not being fat because there's way too much to write, but the fact that your house can make you fat.... come on!!! I have an idea, how about getting off of your bloated asses while shoving eggs and pancackes in your mouth and go running, and get run over by a car while you're at it.

Oh and they WILL NEVER have an overweight woman hosting the show. Of course they have that fat darkee Al Roker who got his big bloated stomach stapled shut so his repulsive sweaty negro body could stop growing larger and larger. They always have him on there sweating his fat ass off cooking food with idiot chefs who run trendy New York restaurants. My favorite is when his fat (i keep referring to him as a black man and I think I may be more of a stereotypical black person than he, so from now on I will refer to him as a lilly white cracker) cracker ass does the voice overs for the geriatric dying pieces of shit who send their photos in to the today show (or probably their families do because I'm sure these old fucks have no fucking idea that they even still exist in this world) and Al Roker says "Oh, and this is Betty Johnson, she is 103 years old today, she enjoys playing bingo and weekly all you can eat buffets at Red Lobster. This is Julie Davis, she enjoys sitting on the porch and feeding pigeons. This is Esther Smith, she enjoys watching her cunt rot off and shitting in her depends while waiting to die. Her family sent this picture in because they are currently emptying out her bank account and she is too busy watching her limbs rot off to notice, and they felt a little bad so they figured if her cataract filled eyes might be able to make out her dying image on the television she might forget for a second that she should have died about 50 years ago". The latter I have of course never heard his fat cracker ass say, but isn't that really what's happening here?

Now if I am lucky enough, and my insomnia lets me stay up to 9 am, the hour when most cunts are stuffing their fat asses into their cubicles for the day, or flattening their fat asses onto the couch just like me, I get the opportunity to witness something that is about as much as a pop cultural nightmare phenomenon as the Today Show, and that is Oprah. I like Oprah. I like watching that cocksucking monstrosity balloon up and down with her weight, and listening to her talk about her faggot husband because she is so obviously a huge fucking dyke, but unlike that other repulsive monster, Rosie O'Donnell, she does not admit to it and adopt like 25 kids to witness her life spirlaling downward. I wait and wait for Oprah to have a show about tragedy (and I usually don't have to wait long, because they're almost always about some unfortunate retard). I don't like the shows where she has stupid celebrities on there and sucks their assholes, those shows are boring; although I did obsess about Tom Cruise jumping on that fat bitches couch for about two weeks because he's such a fucking psycho, and I enjoyed him talking about how much he dominates his robot wife, Katie Holmes. And sometimes I will catch a show where she gives out something really dumb like a vacuum cleaner to everyone in the audience and I enjoy watching all the fags and vaginas in her audience cum all over themselves for twenty minutes. But mostly I enjoy the tragedy.

I especially LOVE when she has rape victims on there, or victims of sexual assault. These people may have been sexually assaulted once, and I don't know if they're just stupid, or they really want to be on television, or they want a free trip to this shithole town Chicago, but they are raped a second and third time when they VOLUNTAIRLY sit on the same couch that Tom Cruise jumped up and down on with their ripped up cunts and assholes and answer Oprah's perverse questions about how many times they fucked their dad, where it happened, when it happened, for how long, how many holes he stuck it in, did he call you princess, did you tell anyone, why did you keep it a secret, and how low their self esteem must be and what a fucked up person they must have turned out to be and Oprah sits there and Boo hoo hoo's about them for about 20 minutes as she is secretly creaming her underpants. After the 20 minutes is off, they are shooed off the stage, and put in a taxi and its back to their shitty life. Congradulations! Now 6 million people know your deepest, darkest secret!!! WASN'T THAT FUCKING THERAPEUTIC????

I really don't know what is going on in these people's heads. Do they have popcorn parties for when their show airs on tv and have all their friends and family over to listen them get interviewed by some bloated black bitch about how their father reamed their asshole and ran a child porn ring for 16 years? I mean what do these people do after the show? I can understand how it can be therapeutic to tell SOMEONE, perhaps a liscenced therapist,(even though most of them are fucking nuts anyway, hell I'm considered a social worker, scary huh?) about the trauma that they went through as a child, but sharing it with a self obsesssed celebrity who has no background in the medical field or dealing with mental health besides all of the fucking nuts that sit in her audience and on her chairs, and then subsequently sharing this deep dark secret with an unsympathetic 200 person studio audience who are all pissed off because they are not on the show where they win the car, and then after that sharing this secret with 6 million more people, including sick lunatics like me who write terrible things about them, or perverts at home who are jacking off to them with one finger up their ass, thinking about fucking children and how warm and moist the woman's vagina was when she was 6, while writing tips down about how to start their own child porn business taking tips from the Opera guest seems a bit queer to me. What the hell is going on here? GOOD MORNING USA!!!!

 

- Meg McCarville