A list of diseases/infirmities I may have gotten from great tasting meat

1. Trichinosis
2. Cysticerosis
3. Creutzfeldt-Jakob
4. Avian Flu
5. Salmonellosis
6. Migraine Headache
7. Typhoid Fever
8. Leaky Gut Syndrome (mercury in my lobster)
9. Kuru
10. Gastritis
11. Colon Cancer
12. Atherosclerosis
13. Arthralgia (before the full-blown arthritis)
14. Ischemia
15. Prostate Cancer
16. Rheumatism
17. Arthritis
18. Influenza
19. Taxaemia
20. Maculopapular Rash (strange looks at the pool)
21. Jaundice
22. Diabetes
23. Pulmonary Edema
24. Dysbiosis
25. Angina
26. H. Pylori Infection
27. Multiple Sclerosis
28. Breast Cancer
29. Dysentery
30. Alzheimer's
31. Toxoplasmosis (guess it could have been from touching cat shit)
32. Listeriosis
33. Endocrinal Cancer
34. Botulism
35. Gall Stones
36. Heart Attack
37. Fatty Liver Disease
38. Echopraxia
39. High Blood Pressure
40. Sleep Apnea
41. Chorioretinitis (black-spotted visions of youth)
42. Hypertension
43. Dementia
44. Dysilpidemia
45. Stroke
46. Anthrax
47. Endometrial Cancer
48. Clinical Depression
49. Leptospirosis
50. Brucellosis
51. Kidney Stones
52. Monkey Pox (t'was that prairie dog)
53. Encephalitis
54. Nasopharyngeal Cancer
55. Micropsia
56. Lesions
57. Apraxia
58. Ataxia
59. Agnosia
60. HIV (my cannibal period)
61. AIDS
62. Formal Thought Disorder
63. Simian Foamy Virus
64. Epstein-Barr
65. Mononucleosis
66. Malaria
67. Pruritis
68. Splenomegaly
69. Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma
70. Burkitt's Lymphoma
71. Chronic Fatigue Syndrome
72. Celiac Disease (a fine breaded pork)
73. Osteoporosis
74. Elephantiasis
75. Leukemia
76. Collagen Vascular Disease
77. Candidiasis
78. Sjogren's Syndrome
79. Parotitis
80. Yellow Fever
81. Systemic Lupus Erythmatosus
82. Hepatitis
83. Tuberculosis
84. Myelitis
85. Uveitis
86. Chronic Renal Failure
87. Urinary Retention
88. Pyelonephritis
89. Colitis (couldn't digest the veal)
90. Rigor
91. Iritis
92. Glaucoma
93. Rabies
94. Crohn's Disease
95. Marburg hemorrhagic fever (tried African bat)
96. Orchitis
97. Anemia
98. Ebola
99. Subcutaneous Bleeding…
100. …and finally, Hypovolemic Shock.

…but I still had it for my last meal- because damn it, the beef tastes that good!

- Dan Gleason