April 18, 2007

Do you know where you were when Kennedy was assassinated? Do you know where you were when you heard the bomb was dropped on Pearl Harbor? Do you know where you were on September the 11th 2001 when the two planes crashed into the twin towers? Do you know where you were on April 18, 2007 and the world froze?

Everything stopped... 7 plagues were released at one time. Every serious problem in my life-- the diseases I have, the fact that my dad is dying, the fact that I have no income, the fact that I live in a shithole etc. etc. Suddenly did not matter. Two events happened on this day which would darken my life forever.

The first. A beautiful man named Sanjiah Malakar was selected to be one of the top finalists on American Idol. Although I have always enjoyed the Idol, there has never once been a contestant close to as amazing and talented and as arab as Sanjiah. Everyday when I drove around listening to the local black music station I got to listen to how much Sanjiah had no talent whatsoever, and how he should work at a 7-11 or go blow up a plane. People were outraged. I took little notice until on EXTRA I saw a sad story about some fat wench teenager who went on a hunger strike until Sanjiah was eliminated from Idol. Believe me, she needed the fast. I really think he was doing her a favor. Each week I watched. Each week Sanjiah came up with the most ridiculous songs and sang them terribly. Each week, I got to watch Paula squirm in her chair searching violently for something not too mean to say to the young arab superstar. Randy would say his usual "Yo dog, I'm just not feelin it". He gets off easy. Paula though was really shaken. She is the nice one and she has to give feedback to this singer. It was wonderful to watch her drunk ass squirm. Half the time I couldn't tell a word she was saying, so it didn't really matter. It was usually some mumble about choosing the wrong song, and then her eyes would close. But Simon, as everyone knows, showed no mercy. Every week he would not hesitate to use his famous catch phrases, and call Sanjiah the most horrible disgusting singer he's ever seen, and that he was making a mockery of Idol, and I really think Sanjiah with his lack of talent and being able to get so far in the competition made Mr. Cowell genuinely angry, which was great.

With this, I was in love. Each performance got worse and worse. And he would choose the most horrible songs. Even I could not figure out who he was or what his deal was. It was impossible to pin him down. Was he just a stupid kid? or someone really smart who was making a mockery of everything? I like to think the latter. Plus he had GREAT hair. The week before he was cut was Latin week, and he and J-Lo worked on a rendition of BESSA MI MUCHO. I think because it was in a different language, people didn't recognize how bad it was so it was the first song to get the review by Cowell as not being extremely horrible. For me, it melted this disgusting girl's heart. The close ups on his gentle face, and his bedroom eyes looking right at me seemed to be saying, LIl Princess, I want to stick my big Arab Penis into your Vagina and have hot Sexual Intercourse. OOOh. I had about 6 orgasims merely by watching him sing that song. I didn't even have to touch myself. I just wanted to run my fingers through that hair and have him all to me forever.

THEN IT HAPPENED. APRIL 18TH.

Far away in Australia there was another reality show going on. A very popular one as well, which I rarely miss. America's Next Top Model. Rarely do I identify with anyone on that show, except for the first girl who won, but, it was not even close to the connection I felt with a blewish girl named Jael Strauss. I had stopped watching this season (gasp) because the last couple had been way too lame and I started to really loathe Tyra and her "one of the girls on the block" attitude. But I was informed by Mr. McPadden that there was a girl on this cycle of ANTM who resembled me, not only in the way that she looked, but in the way she talked. Very slowly, like she was on A LOT of downers. Then rumors came out that she was on massive amounts of drugs. It was pretty obvious. She was from Detroit, and she did resemble me quite a bit. Blonde hair, small, slow talker, her name is pronounced (jail). She claimed to be half black and half Jewish (blewish) as she called it. She was often made fun of for the fact that she talked nonstop (much like myself) and she never made any sense (much like myself). It took me awhile to really get into her because the schedule was all messed up, and I was not always around to watch it, but Jael Strauss soon found a place in my heart. I loved her, and lived through her on that show. She was me if I were to ever make it on ANTM, which has been a dream of mine. Her and her bargain basement pill popping femaila was so beautiful. I loved when Tyra would try to tell her how to talk. "She Just wasn't top model material. Models need to know how to present themseves in a positive way and they need to know how to speak." Jael, I know how you feel. People often don't understand what the hell I'm saying or what I'm talking about. Tranquilizers are my best friends, and I want Jael to be as well. She is a true role model to the American girl. And she has EVERYTHING it takes to be THE TOP MODEL IN THE WORLD. Back to this dismal day. THE WORST DAY OF MY LIFE. APRIL 18TH. I HAVE BEEN BEATEN, TORTURED, RAPED, INTERROGATED PHYSICALLY, IMPRISONED, KIDNAPPED, TRAFFICKED, GANGBANGED WHILE I WAS 3 YEARS OLD, BUT NONE OF THIS NONE OF IT COMPARES TO THE HORROR OF APRIL 18TH. Sanjiah had been in the bottom three on Idol for the last many weeks, and it was always nerve racking to watch the cut offs. My mind kept going back to the fat ass who stopped eating until Sanjiah got cut, and more than anything I wanted him to be the next American Idol, because he was so goddamned sexy and untalented. But I also wanted that fat girl to die. What a bitch!!! So it was promising, because he kept rising from the bottom. But on that dismal day. Beautiful Arab Sanjiah was cut. NO more. It was terrible. I broke a mirror and sliced my arms with the glass and carved SANJIAH in my chest. Unfortunately, I spelled it wrong. It got messy. What a horrible day. The same day was the day that ANTM was to air, but there was a sports game on that day so instead of airing at 7 pm, I thought that it would be airing a different day. When I caught that it would be aired that night at 10:30 p.m. I cleaned up the blood and tried to put what self respect I had back together and toughed it through Top Model. They went to Australia, and they had to film a commercial in an Aussie accent. And since Jael has trouble speaking regular English since she's always bombed out on tranquilizers, an Aussie accent was almost impossible. She, like Sanjiah, had been in the bottom two the week before. This week when I saw she was in the bottom two again, I knew her fate. I started crying. This time I broke the television and carved JAEL STRAUSS under Sanjiah's name. The reason she got cut was that she could not talk correctly. I could kill Tyra and her stupid no name judges. That fucking black who knows what Miss J. who hated her from the start. But Jael left in typical Jael fashion. She put on her red tutu, a blue wig, and pranced down the hallway explaining that she was going to spread her love as much as she can around the world. Her love has definitely reached me, and I wish she would start a cult, because I would follow her every move. Jael and Sanjiah. Two people who will be thrown in the dumpster along with the hundreds of other reality stars. But these two were special. And cut the same day. I didn't leave the house or eat for 4 days. I tried to stick it out for longer, but Church's Chicken had a special and I couldn't resist. I love you Jael and Sanjiah. You changed lives. This day will forever remain in my memory as one of the unluckiest days that exist. It is terrible that one of them had to go, but both of them??? In the same day????? What is this world coming to??? Then you hear that guy shooting up the school and shit. Its because of shit like this that school shootings happen. That elimination almost made me want to go on a murdering spree. It was a sad day in history. April 18, 2007. I would like everyone to observe a moment of silence for these two fallen stars.

R.I.P. JAEL STRAUSS
R.I.P. SANJIAH MALAKAR

 

- Meg McCarville