TWO LETTERS TO RINGO

It's not generally known, but the real Ringo Starr lives in Idaho Falls, Idaho-or at any rate that's where he was living when I first met him in 1975. His home was a trailer tricked out to resemble a yellow submarine, complete with portholes and conning tower. Inside was the most amazing collection of Beatleobilia I had ever seen. As "Fool On The Hill" played in the background, Ringo told me his sad story, how he had started out years earlier in Liverpool as drummer for the Fab Four, only to be displaced by an interloper named Richard Starke, who not only took his place in the band, but also stole his name.

An improbable story, but not so improbable as to be dismissed as nonsense by everyone. Ringo of Southern Idaho evidently enjoyed quite a fan base, including fourteen-year-old Vance Brown of Weiser. Recently I uncovered two fan letters from young Vance, one addressed to a Mrs. Egbert, whom I presume was Ringo's mother, the other to Rachelle Bate, whose connection to the deposed Beatle remains a mystery.

Dear Mrs. Egbert,
I was wondering, if you could get Ringo Starr to do something for me. I was wondering if you could get Ringo Starr my favorite ex-Beatle, even better when he was a Beatle, to sign his autograph for me, on a letter, or just on a separate piece of paper, different from the letter. Please, I'm one of his fans.
Also ask him if he could find some of the other ex-Beatles for me, to sign their autographs, too.

P.S. Please do this for me! Please try to do it in a hurry!

Vance Brown

PLEASE!

(OVER, I think I should tell you something)

Hello, again,
My name is Vance Brown, as you already know. But, did you know that I'm a Beatlemaniac? I'm just a late one! I just go crazy over the Beatles. I have all of their records, except for maybe a few, but, I love the Beatles. They're my heroes.
Now you know why I want you to find Ringo Starr for me. I know how he got into the Beatles, how they all became famous. I'm a great fan of theirs. But, my favorite ex-Beatle is Ringo Starr. At first, it was Paul McCartney, but now it's Ringo Starr. He's my favorite hero of all the ex-Beatles. I just have to have his autograph! Repeat: I have to have his autograph.
I'll do anything for you, or Ringo Starr, just to get his autograph. But, I don't think I can come down there, or not. My father probably won't let me.
Please! Get Ringo Starr's autograph for me!

PLEASE!

Dear Rachelle Bate,
I hope, that you will try your best to get Ringo Starr's autograph. I really go wild over him. I think he's really neato. I love him. Without him, where would the Beatles be? Nowhere, I bet. But, with his charm, they got somewhere alright. They got famous, rich, and they became idols. Ringo Starr is my idol.
I want to tell you who I like of the Beatles, in order.
1. Ringo Starr
2. George Harrison
3. I can't really decide who I like best, John Lennon or Paul McCartney, but it's still in order.
If you can get me Ringo Starr's autograph, please do. He's the coolest guy alive. Without him why would I practice on my drums?
That's right, I have a drum set that I practice on as often as I can. When I get older, I hope to be a drummer for a group.
I would really like Ringo Starr's new album, but, I don't have any money now.
My dad said that you just want money, because you've got a money-making scheme. But, think for a moment. Everybody needs to make money. Without money, where would Ringo Starr be?
I know Ringo Starr really likes his parents a lot and everything, and visits them a lot.
Maybe his parents aren't alive any more, I don't know.
But, just tell Ringo "Hello" for me.

Sincerely Yours,
Vance Brown

P.S. I really love him.

 

- Richard Menzies