Lie I told...
I was ushering at this wonderful old theatre that was used more for concerts than anything. One night, we had the misfortune of hosting a Pink Floyd laser light show with RESERVED seating which meant we were doomed having to deal with confused hippies and hillbillies.
Two girls were standing up and yelling insults at others for no particular reason than their own entertainment. I told them to knock it off a few times and informed our security. The last attempt at telling them to knock it off was when I needed to sit someone next to them but they decided to argue with me but that part ended with me telling the more drunk (and larger than me) of the two to "shut the fuck up and sit down you fucking cunt!!" She did.
Intermission: a complete mess. Ushers and security were scattered. I was alone in the front row of the balcony knowing that something was about to happen. "Hey bitch!" "You step within a foot of me and I'll hit you." She took a step into that square foot of space and I clocked her. The next few minutes became a tangle of limbs and nails and hair. She kept pulling and smacking at me but I kept sort of bent over to avoid getting my wind knocked out. At one point, some people held each of us back but there was this fine window between two heads with hers being right in the middle and behind. I clocked her again in the left eye. More tangling. Security came and started to walk us out to the hallway. I noticed her left arm was cocked back into a fist so I grabbed her long hair and sort of snapped her head by yanking quick and hard. Freak out.
In the office, my manager quietly asked me in front of the security, "M. This is very important. I need to know who threw the first punch."
Security backed up my story because the girl was such a jerk.
Over an hour later, I was escorted by eight people to a co-worker's car. She had been waiting the whole time threatening to kill me. I felt bad, like white trash but I didn't get my butt kicked and physically, she had the upper hand yet all she did was yank hair, scratch and scream.
Later, I asked a co-worker about what she saw, "We tried to get to you but there were too many people... she was on the ground and you were kicking her in the stomach!"
I'd want to kill me, too.