Apr 2002

PS to the nightcrue:
I dreamed I was practicing kungfu moves in the park. The planet had zero gravity so I could jump really high and flip. Then the planet's manager got fired and the new manager instated gravity. He was an Italian mafia type cheapskate who thought we had no business with the frills of a no gravity planet. The new gravity took its toll. It sucked to walk and I could see the veins in my feet popping from the stress




2001-12-31 stamp sales
The beds were being delivered to our railroad apartment today. When we got them, at first I wanted mine in the middle so if monsters came in through either door, my sisters could protect me. Then I deceded I wanted a bed on the edge because I needed privacy. We went out to the Divan where my mother, an old raggedy gypsy hag, was laying on the tarmac selling stamps. My sister, Matt, in drag again, wanted to buy some $5 stamps so she could mail letters making fun of certain people. My mother tried to sell her the super fancy lace edged raised gazebo picture but cheap one cent stamps. She accidentally showed the back and it had the price on it so we knew she was trying to rip us off. I went in to the bed where a bunch of people were laying. Got the dread lock post office girl and told her to come straighten out mom, because she was selling us bad stamps. The girl went out, I hoped mom didn't get in too much trouble because stamp scams were capital offenses. But when we went outside they were tromping around the yard in a procession. There was mud everywhere and mom was explaining facts of life for a small segment of society while trying to prove the inverse square law by leading the procession in squares. It didn't matter to anyone else, because most people led lives that revolved around a much different calling. Then I went home and it was christmas again. A different family lived on every floor. Mine was a little scary but I couldn't figure out why. There was a 4 yr old girl with long blond hair who stared at the floor. I decided to give her a ride. Picked her up to carry her around the house upside down, went to all the families and ran around so she could have a look at things upside down. Then tried to give her to the old man on the stairs. He didn't want her and thought I was nutcakes for holding her. I asked why, she was just a sweet little girl. He said no look, she can pop her head off. At that moment she popped off her head like it was a dolls and fastened it to my shoulder using a neck pump system to get my blood. I couldn't get her off me. Finally the head was full and detached. She grinned real broad and I woke up.

2001-09-25 Arab
At the bottom of the stairs I waited for it to come and smother me. It was liquid cloth, conglomerated flowing down the stairs like plaid, corderoid, velvet magma. Normally each citizen squirted a small amount out of a tube and poured it over their body, it would keep each covered and protected from the elements. But this had congealed and conglomerated somehow and now was an enemy of the state. I ran and entered a man's hotel room. Two light skinned black men were in there getting dressed. They had their shirts off. I sat on the couch. The cuter of the two said he was going to put his shirt on, I moaned and said "awwwwww" - sad. He smiled and I looked at his chest in relaxed pleasure, he was very muscular but his breasts seemed overlarge for a man. That's how muscle men are. The uglier, younger one who reminded me of an arab Eddy Murphy, turned on a porn video. I began sexually wrestling with him and givig him a blowjob. My divided other self watched as I sat on the couch with the cutie. We cheered the sexers on. I left and went to an awards ceremony for soap opera stars and romance novelists. I had won the big prize for writing, staring and directing in my own romance novel. I went out to accept the prize and tripped. My breast fell out of my floofy red prom dress and my beads popped, rolling all over the floor. Total humiliation. I brushed it away with lighthearted joking and then called the eddy murphy look alike from a pay phone. I told him I'd won and that maybe we could celebrate with some sexy video watching. He was all huffy, thought it was typically easy for me, a white woman, to win awards. Because of this he went and became a separatist black fundamentalist muslim and had one of those cloths with the bandanas on his head. The other muscle man did the same though he said he was just in disguise to keep an eye on his "friend", keeping him in check from being too fanatical. He was a spy.

2001-09-27 hamster babies
Dreamed I was a small baby pinkish hamster with no skin, getting born of my mother, one after another, directly on a sleeping humans neck. I was at the same time the babies as I was the mother and could feel the feelings of both. When I woke I threw the hamsters off my neck and realized, I'd remembered what it was to be born. Not until you are born do you separate your "self" from your mothers self, until then your feelings are one. I felt very good about this because it meant that I contained some of my mother, when I feel like her, it is true.

There was critical mass happening in a nuclear power plant near the sea and Genevieve was involved. I traveled far to see a Schubert concert with my father. We went to eat dinner but the woman brought us to a theatre. They were showing a closeup shot of a babies green penis being masturbated by an adult, there were icecream cones on our seats ready to eat, sherbert. I really didn't want to see this with my father. The woman sitting next to me told me to get french fries.

I ordered blood clots and babies breath. The woman brought them in a clear plastic handbag and I shook them up like mixing a drink. I took the icecream cone and dipped it into the clots mix. William had melted into a small pin shape and I took him and stuck him on the bottom of the chair next to a gum wad.

2001-06-23 Aunt Blue Head
On top of every building in the city there were huge pigeon coops. My own sister had taken mothers orders and locked me in the one above our house because she said I was too fat and round. I was pretty unhappy to get pigeon shit all over me and have a life that seemed endlessly grey. I was a small pinkish looking half pig half bear with lots of extraneous flesh squiggly bits coming off me but I was not fat, merely chubby. Little did my sister know that I could fly better than anyone else in the city. I escaped through the slaughterhouse hole/door and flew away. The Federalies chased me all throughout the neighborhood but I flew fast and went with a very hansome 12 yr old boy to a small beachfront inn owned by a chinese Mexican woman. She gave us an attic to live in with beds that were lacy log roll pillows stuffed in foldout elongated chairs, looked very uncomfortable but we didn't complain because we were hiding out. We sat around talking to each other and then I looked out the window. Two British police were down under the building watching the house. It was going to be a raid. We hoped nothing bad came of the innkeeper and flew out the window. They did not catch us and we flew to Misty's place in the boondocks of Idaho. She lived in a colossal stone schoolhouse with more hallways than rooms. We walked through the hallways with Misty asking for the updates of the last 200 years of world history because we had been on the lam for that long. She told us the story of Aunt Bluehead. Aunt Bluehead was a miserable woman and all her life she yearned to find a duck in the schoolhouse pool because she knew all ducks lead to freedom from the confinement of lifes burdens and sorrows. Everyday she would go to the pool and not find one. She grew older and lonelier and eventually gave up hope. One day she saw one in the reeds. She was overjoyed. She picked it up and ran towards the water. Aunt Bluehead was astonished that the duck was 90 pounds heavier than she expected. She almost sunk before she realized it could swim happily. At this point Misty was laughing because it was obvious to everyone except Aunt Bluehead that it wasn't duck at all but a giant blue feathered eagle. Aunt Bluehead's blue eagle made her a little sleddy boat and it pulled her along in back of her, through the reeds, frogs and waterlilies. They were going to the Eagle's nest. It was beautiful, and Aunt Bluehead was overjoyed because it was the first true friend she'd ever had in her entire life, someone who wouldn't leave her. They arrived at a large rectangular upjutting rock and climbed up the stairs. Aunt Bluehead at once went to the stone crib and cooed over the ornamental cakelike pink and golden eggs. As she was cooing the Eagle coughed to get her attention. She turned around and realized there was another nest and that it contained the real eggs of the Blue eagle. As she walked closer she got more and more scared. The eggs looked like they had worms coming out of them. She peered in horror at the nest. Roosting on the hatching worm eggs was a huge mother tapeworm with a spatulated flat head staring at her with one blue eye and one green eye. It had a constantly moving mouth and flesh tipped antennae like the fins of a 50's racecar. It was the true mother of the worm eggs. the Blue Eagle was standing behind the nest, proud. As realization sunk in fear completely took over Aunt Bluehead. The blue eagle was merely an avatar, an astral projection the tape worm used because it desperately needed friends. the tape worm needed the bald eagle to act as some harmless looking "lure" for not only did it eat humans, its very nature was insidious. It was like a physically beautiful child with the heart of a killer, a type A Blue Eagle facade. The Tape worm picked it out of a mail order book. As Aunt Bluehead felt kind of guilty for running away in fear because though she knew of the tapeworms insidious nature, she also knew it was a big deal for the Tape Worm to let its guard down enough to show its true self in friendship. Not many would have the courage for friendship with one so horrible. I woke up sad.


- Swezlex