NEW


[massage bed]
riding a long train. crossing pine forests with the sun glancing through the windows from just below treetops and late afternoon drinks... decide for a walk to the last car for a smoke and view off the back deck. many empty cars at the rear of the train - no furniture, no seats, just empty space and small rooms along side built with classy old time wood style. i pass a man i'd seen earlier drinking a bottle of white-out. he's now tangled in the corner trying to comfort his girlfriend while his face changes colors and the fear snakes out... i keep walking to the rear and as i reach the last car, two splendid sexy sisters ask me if i'd like to fuck them both - of course, i say yes, but i inform then that i need to get some condoms and lube from my luggage. the sister that spoke before tells me they already have condoms and lube and says, "we need three minutes to get ready. keep change."

they enter the nearest room and close the door. i begin pacing about the car feeling present profound moment with sunrays flashing beauty through trees and steady motion through windows. the speaking sister comes out of the room and as soon as i see her i become lucid - straightaway overwhelmed with the excitement of fucking these two beautiful sisters, i feel myself slipping back to waking life - i immediately try spinning to elude waking. i'd read about this maneuver. i'd attempted it several times before with no success, but intuitively i begin spinning, and at once i find myself in our bed with early morning sun shining in on delta doing yoga. i tell her about my dream with the seductive sisters, punching the bed out of frustration, sharing the details, the laughter, the moments to minutes later i wake again in our bed with early morning sun shining in on delta doing yoga... directly check my state, and the digital clock tells me this is waking life...

 

____________________

PAST

 

     on a road trip with my brothers... driving a brand new cadillac, only it's an early 70's model - when cadi' gluttony at least had good style - cruising though rural landscape, cross between rolling laos and pine forest east texas... we stop at an old filling station with thick age and a greasy past - the kind rarely found on interstates but alive and well on the backroads... joel pays for the gas with a large bill. the owner, smeared with work from head to toe, says he's got to go out to the garage to get the change. he returns with the money, but before counting, he looks at me, and with a familiar dirty smile says, "hey, i remember you... you're jake." i resmond with a surprised but heartened, "jacob." he smirks, and shrugs it off with, "yeah, whatever." he then proceeds to count the change. all the bills are as greasy as him, and as he apologizes for the oily money, he counts out the last few bills - which he has replaced with the exact same play money we had at mammaw and pawpaw's home when we were kids... after finishing the count with the fake bills, the owner looks up smiling with acknowledgement. joel and i agree in nostalgic ardor to keep the play money. i then begin looking around the store, scanning the merchandise; all comprised of our childhood toys specific to mammaw and pawpaw's house. amazed, i turn to joel and brandon saying, "i think i'm feeling that thing you feel when you change spaces." and, they respond in unision, "culture shock." at that moment i realize i'm dreaming...
unfortunately before i can stabalize the lucidity, my waking world returns...

 

08.16.03

we played for friends
outside
leaves rustle
sunlight shimmers
cool wind
good

tragedy with band
in war zone
chris got burned
we were all in explosion
continued after
in barricaded home/fort
pete showed up
with some ladies
showboating
I put dead man socks on after
injury
need to help
need to fight
trying to steal our
copper wires
brandon's calling out
deborah's tuning in
johnny cash
night time
i called the dog in
creeping darkness
we were near borders - radio
calls about trains
crossing betweens

 

- Senor Ross