2 dreams

(transcribed)

ONE
My first sex dream I was 8 years old when I had it I think which is I guess my universal age for anything that I remember so maybe I wasn't but it starts out where I go to this really seedy gross hotel from an old private eye movie maybe. I go to the guy and I'm the same age that I actually was so I'm a little kid in the dream and the guy says I know where you have to go and he directs me to this room and as I'm going to room I'm realizing that I'm going to this room because I'm supposed to have sex with the person inside this room. So I open the door and my Grandma's there, it's not my real Grandma but the Grandma they gave me in the dream but this person is my Grandma and my Grandma's like a prostitute and I'm like no, I don't want to have sex with my Grandma, really, can I just leave. They're like no, you have to do this, this is just something you have to do and so I did it and it was actually like really fantastic, really amazing and I felt really good about it. So then that was over and I was like hey Grandma that was pretty great. Then the guy came and took me again and I was like where are we going now? My Grandma was like oh just go with him. They took me through this hallway and I got to the end of the door and the doors that we went through were like those emergency room doors and on the other side was this gigantic huge freaky big room and one half the room was all these guys looking at me in consoles like in war games you know that movie 'war games' with the little computers all over the place. And charts and like beep beep beep beep beep. The other side of the room was this machine that stretched the whole length of the room. They brought me up to the machine and they were like alright here have sex with this machine. I was like uhh okay and I started having sex with this machine. Then when I was having sex with the machine I realized that all the way at the other end of the machine was this woman that was having sex with the machine but the way that it was working was that what the machine was doing to her was uhh was like a replication of what I was doing to the machine so in a way we were having sex with this machine. Or like the machine was this super exaggerated elaborate contraceptive device.

TWO
The other one I had when I had the chicken pox really bad. I had a super huge fever, a ridiculous fever. I had been hallucinating all day and then I finally passed out after hallucinating all day and I had this dream that was really fucking scary. I went to the window and looked out and it was in Galesburg, Illinois and the whole town of Galesburg, was uhh well the lot across from our house they had railroad days there. That's where they had the rides for railroad days and um so it was like railroad days only it was like zombie railroad days. Everybody in the whole town was a zombie and there was two different classes of zombies, no there was three types of zombies, there was the zombies having fun they were like the upper class of zombies, and then there were like the zombies that were like the worker zombies and then there were zombies that had been torn up by the other zombies. What the worker zombies was doing was just walking around cleaning up the torn up zombies in these wheelbarrows, pushing them around and everybody's groaning and riding rides and eating each other and ripping each other up except for the guys who were just going around with wheelbarrows. So I went and got my mom and was like mom the fucking zombies are out there. And she says oh you have to go out there, go out and ride one of the rides. I said I don't want to go out there, then I fell out the window. But I fell out the window really slow and then just like landed on the ground. So I had to walk across the street the part of the dream where I had to walk across the street was something that actually happened cuz I had burned my feet on the street cuz they had put new asphalt on one time during railroad days. And so I burned my feet again and I was running down the street and my feet were burning and the zombies all started noticing me and were coming at me. While I was running there was this one store, it was the hush puppy shoe store and they had penny loafers in the windows and I always liked looking at them. For some reason if I could make it down the street that was burning my feet to the window where the penny loafers were and break the glass and get the penny loafers then the zombies wouldn't be able to get me and my feet would stop burning or something. Then I woke up and made my mom wake up, it was like six in the morning and I forced her to wake up and take me to the shoe store so that I could be sure there weren't zombies. She did and there were no zombies.

- Drew Ziegler